* Know you
can survive. You may not think so, but you can.
* Struggle
with "why" it happened until you no longer need to know "why" or until you
are satisfied with partial answers.
* Know you
may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings but all your feelings
are normal.
* Anger,
guilt, confusion and forgetfulness are common responses. You are not crazy;
you are in mourning.
* Be aware
you may feel appropriate anger at the person, at the world, at God, at
yourself. It's okay to express it.
* You may
feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Guilt can turn into
regret, through forgiveness.
* Having
suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean that you will act on those
thoughts.
* Remember to
take one moment or one day at a time.
* Find a good
listener with whom to share. Call someone if you need to talk.
* Don't be
afraid to cry. Tears are healing.
* Give
yourself time to heal.
* Remember,
the choice was not yours. No one is the sole influence in another's life.
* Expect
setbacks. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may only be experiencing
a remnant of grief, an unfinished piece.
* Try to put
off major decisions.
* Give
yourself permission to get professional help.
* Be aware of
the pain of your family and friends.
* Be patient
with yourself and others who may not understand.
* Set your
own limits and learn to say no.
* Steer clear
of people who want to tell you what or how to feel.
* Know that
there are support groups that can be helpful, such as Compassionate Friends
or Survivors of Suicide groups. If not, ask a professional to start one.
* Call on
your personal faith to help you through.
* It is
common to experience physical reactions to your grief, e.g., headaches, loss
of appetite, inability to sleep.
* The
willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing.
* Wear out
your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go.
Letting go doesn't mean forgetting.
* Know that
you will never be the same again, but you can survive and even go beyond
just surviving.
