Some Answers for Those New to Suicide Loss

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Some Answers for Those New to Suicide Loss

Tony Salvatore

Losing someone that you love or someone to whom you are very close to suicide is the most devastating loss of all. Nothing in your life can prepare you for it. No one can ever be ready for it.

These are some of the questions that may be on your mind:

Why did this happen?

It happened because your loved one felt psychological pain so severe and unbearable that they believed could only be stopped if they died. The pain was caused by depression, which was caused by something in their life and/or in their brain. Drinking or using drugs make things much worst where they are present.

Why didn't I know?

Most don't know the symptoms of depression or the warning signs of suicide. Many of those suffering depression hide it and some suicidal individuals don't show any signs of their risk or danger. Even when there is some concern it is very hard to accept that someone you know so well is in mortal danger of suicide. Being life-affirming and non-suicidal makes it hard to recognize the opposite states in others.

Why didn't my loved one tell me?

Some may find it hard to ask for help or to admit to mental illness, even if it may be temporary. Some may feel shame at being suicidal. Intense pain is distracting and consuming. It makes those suffering self-centered. It takes away the sense of control. It doesn't mean that they didn't care for or love those suffering because of the loss. Tunnel vision is part of being suicidal.

Why didn't somebody do something?

Even professionals sometimes have a hard time seeing that someone's suicidal. Misplaced concerns about privacy and confidentiality may deter warnings to others. There are no reliable predictors of suicide.

Why do I feel like I'm going crazy?

You have suffered the greatest and most horrible emotional shock of your life. Suicide is a severe traumatic loss -- sudden, unexpected, and violent. You feel betrayed, out of control, disoriented, and hurt. This is what happens after a suicide. Nobody's ever ready for it, and it overwhelms anyone whom it directly affects. Why can't I get over this?

The loss is too fresh and you are traumatized. The first weeks and months are very hard and your emotions may be in turmoil for a long time. You never really "get over" your loss, but you eventually come to terms with it. Why doesn't anything help me?

You can be helped. Start by seeing your doctor. She or he may be able to recommend services or medications that may help. You can go to a suicide loss support group or talk to a grief specialist, counselor, or clergy person. You can find information and people to talk to on-line. These may help you.

http://members.tripod.com/~Li

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